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IMF Masters Of The UniverseSure. Why not? If Legarde (the Managing Director of the International Monetary Fund) so desires there must be an urgent reason to take urgent measures urgently in order to urgently support Growth and Jobs (with capital “G” and capital “J”). Urgently. Got that?

This seems to have been the prevailing theme in the latest meeting of the G20 countries, also known as those who really, really matter… until the next economic tsunami that is. Legarde urgently asked the G20 to “do something” because of “rising financial market volatility” and “uncertainty for the global economy”. OK. And what did this apparatchik urged for?

Excellent question grasshopper. Allow us to illuminate you:

LET’S TAKE ACTION

Continued accommodative monetary policy

Print. This is most certainly revolutionary. Obviously. Because so far printing gave us booms and busts, the 2008 spectacle, ZIRP (zero interest rate policies) and QE (quantitative easing). To the tune of “only” about 40 trillion USD… and counting.

Yes. Absolutely. What we need to “stimulate” the economy is more printing. Because so far it has worked so well. Sure. Bring it on. More of the same. Because, in any case, if the economy so much as sneezes, EU banks are screwed to the tune of “only” about 800 billion USD. Yes. We need more printing. More booms and busts, more bubbles, more “asset inflation” and the “other” inflation too. Sure.

Growth-friendly fiscal policies

Obviously. It goes without saying. That’s what we need. It should be patently visible to anyone. Yes sir. Without question!

What are “growth-friendly fiscal policies”?

Well… they are stuff… you know… what governments do when they decide to be friendly with growth. Stuff like that… and stuff.

Yes, dear reader, it is gobbledygook. Plain and simple. The “classic” interpretation of a fiscal-policy is a reduction in taxes and an increase in spending… which is utterly self-contradictory. Yet, in this context, it means nothing. It is simply a “feel good” free “advice” that Legarde is “issuing” to their “colleagues”. Sure. She could have added not to forget to ride the rainbow and make use of the magic wand which will make eeeeeeverything just OK… It will have about the same effect.

Let’s be clear. If she would have been serious, she would have called for a decrease or elimination of all taxes (and/or laws… but let’s not push it). But this is utterly impossible because of the ridiculously high level of indebtedness that governments “enjoy”.

And so we are stuck with the jello-like “fiscal policies” statement. Poke them and they simply give and bounce back. Just like politicians…

Structural reforms to boost potential output and productivity

And yes, let’s not forget the “structural reforms” which are obviously…well… structural. Thus, they sound very impressive and… structural. Because we know that when we change a structure it is a serious matter; not like when we change appearances through printing or borrowing or taxing. No sir. Making changes to the structure of a government is very, very important. Because governments are all about structures. They structure their government actions on top of structures and thus such structures represent government actions. Got that?

Look, this is more gobbledygook. A “structural reform” could mean anything; from meaningless tweaks in bureaucratic procedures to massive de-regulations. Guess which one will happen? That’s right. The former and not the latter. Surprised yet? Of course not.

If you want the whole “official” tale, please head to the IMF website and search for “Lagarde Urges More Global Action to Support Growth and Jobs”.

LET’S TAKE NO ACTION

This is quite simple. Allow us to telegraph the solution:

GOVERNMENT SCREWED UP ECONOMY. STOP. GOVERNMENT NEEDS TO STOP SCREWING UP ECONOMY. STOP. STOP GOVERNMENT AND ECONOMIC SCREWING UP STOPS. STOP.

Simple right?

The correct solution is to allow for free market forces to remove all the mountains of economic garbage that has been accumulating for 200+ years thanks to government so-called “action”. This is not a mystery. If tampering with the free market brings pain and destruction, then don’t tamper!

It’s like the old joke of a patient complaining to his physician that it hurts when he does something unusual and the physician replying “Just don’t do it”!

Strange as it may seem, to best way to cure the disease is to let it run its course. Yet, this is precisely what politicians and economists don’t want to do and for one very simple reason. It will demonstrate once and for all how useless and irrelevant they are.

MEETINGS

The concept that a “meeting” of “key players” somewhere will solve anything is ridiculous. The problem is not the meeting nor the terms of a would-be agreement. The problem is that those “key players” exist and they keep interfering with free markets.

And so we are left with only one conclusion: meetings are wasteful boondoggles for people who systematically make the wrong decisions which affect us all. It does not matter who they are or what they do, if it is a public meeting is worthless. The “real” agreement happen behind closed doors and a layer (or two) of security personnel. The “real” agreements are never in your benefit but to the benefit of politicians. Sure, some of these benefits may spill over to you, but that is simply an unintended side effect.

Don’t believe us? Simple. Try to find one (yes one) public economic meeting of “big” ones where one definitive course of action was agreed upon, publicized and then executed. We will wait. Comfortably seated. Until we fall asleep... Or we fall into coma.

CONCLUSION

Much that we love to repeat ourselves, we will repeat ourselves once more. Look, this is not difficult. When you hear economic gobbledygook you can rest assured that nothing will happen. The only so-called solution they know is printing… or its equivalent taxing and borrowing. That’s pretty much it. And so we conclude our article as it started: with not much ado about nothing. Welcome to the wonderful world of world economics, where anything is a fairy tale… of Keynesian proportions.

But then again. Perhaps you prefer to be reassured. Perhaps you sleep better knowing that “people in the know” are in charge of your future. Perhaps you are OK with your live being controlled and dictated by nameless, faceless people in obscure government boardrooms. That’s OK. That’s your right. Well… not really… your privilege… well, not exactly… your point of view… well, not exactly… your duty… well, not exactly… your obligation… well, not exactly. Oh. What the heck. Allow us to just say it: you are a slave! Hope you enjoy the ride.

Note: please see the Glossary if you are unfamiliar with certain words.

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