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Father Son Cracking Safe

SO, WHAT'S YOUR JOB ANYWAYS? - CONT'D

Japan - Ministry of Finance

Originally created in the 6th century. Their motto should be: stealing from you you since the 6th century!

 

Task

Translation

Budget

Making sure your money is well spent keeping politicians in their jobs. Also  to ensure that sufficient "close contact" is kept with the Bank of Japan to make sure sufficient official counterfeit Yens are printed.

Tax

Robbing you.

Customs & Tariffs

Robbing your customers and suppliers

Bonds, Fiscal Investment and Loan

The second leg of the unholy trinity. Borrow, borrow and then borrow some more so that politicians may live happily ever after.

International Policy

Where are we traveling today? All expenses paid.

Financial System Stabilization

Aka the original "Zombie Bank" factory. Supporting bankrupt banks since 1980 so that politicians may keep getting their salaries.

Policy Research

More hi-tech economic so-called mumbo-jumbo to justify…well… practically everything!

Kenya - National Treasury

WOW! this thing is actually in Kenya's constitution. Way to go! Bureaucrats are enshrined in the highest document of the land. It's vision is "To be an institution of excellence in economic and financial management" which is very funny considering that their budget deficit is 4% GDP, the inflation (official) of "only" 10% and unemployment a mere 40%. Way to go!.

Task

Translation

Budgets

The usual. Spending your money. Printing through the indirect control of the Central Bank.

External Resources Management

Aka boondoggles-r-us. They borrow from external suckers and spend in internal projects to ensure politicians' jobs.

Accounting

Covering politicians' derrieres with creative accounting while demanding utter honesty for taxation purposes from everybody else.

Information Technology

Uh..oh. A ministry of finance in charge of state IT!? That's right, we are not making this stuff up. We expect they are going to be put in charge of programming the weather and recommending agricultural measures any time now. They are obviously so capable…

Pensions

Ensuring apparatchiks and politicians receive early and juicy "pensions" hence being "properly" rewarded for their "services"

Debt Management

Hey buddy, do you have an EUR to spare? Beggars-r-us. As usual, the second prong of the unholy trinity.

Government Investments

Aka boondoggles-r-us remade. Determining which state projects will be funded and which ones won't thus ensuring that only politicians that are "with us" ever ascend to power.

Mexico - The Secretariat of Treasury and Public Credit

It was created in 1821 and as it can't be any other way; its title is long winded. Blame the Spanish language for that.

Task

Translation

Responsible Fiscal Policy

Let's spend as drunken sailors and use the unholy trinity to extend the party for as long as possible

Revenue

Yes, taxation.

Efficient Expenditures

Sure. For politicians. Anything to ensure they remain in power. If anything, Mexican policy is famous for their behind closed doors agreements. And the people? Who?

Federal Treasury Policies

To make sure all politicians "that matter" receive sufficient federal funds to remain in their posts.

Financial System, Insurance and Pensions

Anything to ensure that banks keep having profits by creating money out of thin air. And while we are at it, also to ensure people are insured with coloured pieces of worthless paper. But, more importantly, to ensure all former politicians and apparatchiks are properly rewarded in their late years.

Development Banking

To ensure all politicians "that matter" receive sufficient "investment" in their locations to remain in power.

Poland - Ministry of Finance

Created in 1989 after the fall of the communist regime. It shares power with the Ministry of Economy and the Ministry of the Treasury, but of the three is the most powerful. It's fundamental tasks are as follows.

Task

Translation

Budget

Spending your money to keep politicians in place.

Financial System

Messing with the financial market for the benefit of politicians and bankers

Public Debt

Somebody has to go out and beg in order to keep those cushy political seats properly warm.

Income (Taxes and Customs)

Robbing your money or printing it through  its influence in the Polish National Bank

Expenses

Sharing money among all politicians to ensure they remain in their jobs

Russia - Ministry of Finance

This ministry was created by an imperial decree in 1780. As such it represented the monarch and now it represents the dictator in charge. Let's see what it does.

Task

Translation

Administration and Control

Control is job #1. Control the people and politicians can stay in their jobs forever. Just like in the good old USSR.

Budget

Spending your money to ensure politicians keep their jobs. Printing and devaluating your money through their influence in the Russian Central Bank

Tax and Customs

Stealing your money

Debt and Financial Assets

Sure. It would be stupid not to use the second prong of the unholy trinity. Borrow and spend. As to assets, what assets?

Financial policy

Which supports the budget.

Regional budgets

More control over rambunctious politicians by the czar in Moscow. Ahhh… good old communist times…

Accounting

Making sure state accounts close (by any means) while making sure you pay.

Military Budget

Let's not forget those apparatchiks with weapons. For politicians to stay in power there must be no military action.

Social Welfare Budget

Keep paying off suckers to ensure political "stability"

International Financial Relations

Nothing like vacationing and eating outside

Other Budgets (innovation, industry, energetics, communication, transport, roads, resources, agriculture, etc).

Control, control, control and more control. If you don't keep us in our jobs, we will cut your subsidy off.

Uruguay - Ministry of Economy and Finance

This ministry represents a small country that was once called the Switzerland of Latin America. It is doubtful this is still the case.

Task

Translation

General Secretarial Directorate

Yes, that's right. Their very own bureaucracy to handle bureaucracy. Only in Latin America.

Accounting

Making sure that government funny accounting maintains the formality while ensuring you pay your "due" taxes.

Internal Auditing

This is a gigantic CYA exercise for politicians to make sure they are covered. Incidentally, they do make sure bureaucrats and politicians are only "expensing" what they are supposed to expense and not more. Just because piles of money are up for grabs, this does not mean there isn't a grabbing hierarchy.

Treasury

Centralization of government "income" for politicians to have a non-descript pool of money to waste, thus staying in their posts.

Tax

You know… those people robbing you with smiley faces.

Customs

You know… the other people robbing vendors offering stuff to improve your standards of living.

Lotteries and Casinos

Well… what can we say… if the holy trinity is not enough, there is always a sucker born every minute.

Asset census

Well, if they are going to tax you to death, they will need info. It's all for your benefit, of course.

US - Department of Treasury

It was established in 1789 to manage state revenue, but what is it doing in reality?

Task

Translation

Producing currency

Yes, let's start with the unholy trinity to ensure politicians are well…founded.

Collecting taxes and duties

Of course, more unholy trinity at work.

Paying US bills

True. It's not possible to stay in power if politicians do not pay their bills.

Managing federal finances

In other words, more unholy trinity.

Managing government accounts

Somebody has to make sure all funny government accounting is done properly. Formality is the basis of political job assignment.

Supervising banks

To make sure that those "deserving" ones (i.e. too big to fall) get their fair share of bail outs. But in general, to protect the bank profits by enabling them to keep creating money out of thin air.

Advising on domestic and international finance

Absolutely. All those apparatchiks must have job descriptions thus ensuring politicians' jobs are secure. The last thing politicians want is disgruntled bureaucrats with their fingers on the money that keeps them in power.

Enforcing tax laws

Hum…. Didn't we already go over this item… Do we perceive some sort of obsession with robbing you?

Investigating and prosecuting tax evader

Yes. We already did. Apparently they want to make absolutely sure you are terrified into letting them rob you. The Gestapo used to do this…but we digress…

Publishing statistical report

Of course! All those highly educated apparatchiks must have something to do. After all, why taking a chance of taking any decision if it can be statistically justified. Politicians must be able to blame the "economic situation" at all times.

 

Note: please see the Glossary if you are unfamiliar with certain words.

 

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